Moving Mom to Assisted Living

Four weeks ago my mom contracted a stomach virus and was sent to the hospital to recover. While she was there the Doctors discovered that she also had a urinary tract infection. After a week in the hospital she was sent to a nursing home for rehab. When I visited her there I noticed that her memory had deteriorated dramatically. She thought I was my Dad (who died 10 years ago) After three weeks in rehab. she had gained enough strength to return to her independent Living Retirement home. But we were told that she would need round the clock aides for a few weeks.

A week has gone by now and it looks clearer that she will need extensive care for some time. Using aides from a service firm is costing her $400 a day. Her memory has improved somewhat but she is still confused and gets up several times during the night to see if the door is locked and to go to the bathroom. We cannot continue to pay for private aides because it will end up costing $12,000 a month.

Unfortunately we live 3 hours away from Mom’s home. We have decided we have to find a facility closer to us, possibly an assisted living facility that helps those who are memory impaired. The most difficult step now is to convince her to make that move. She has a number of friends in her community. But the real question is will she miss those people? Will another move cause her fragile memory to deteriorate even more? Do we need to tell her what to do or get her approval.?

We are meeting with her doctor on Friday. Out of that meeting we may convince her that the doctor recommends that she move close to us. I am very anxious about telling her she’s got to move. I don’t know how she will respond and what the result will be. I know one thing. The current situation cannot go on for very long or her assets will disappear and she will have no choices.


One thought on “Moving Mom to Assisted Living

  1. Hi Bob.

    First question: Is the UTI (urinary tract infection) cleared completely? Often, patients with UTI commonly shows signs of confusion almost as if in a state of dementia. Make sure the right tests have been administered. Some antibiotics may not effectively treat the strain if a. not an appropraite dosage was prescribed b. patient requires a longer course of treatment c. the antibiotic prescibed does not have the proper bacterial strain coverage to do the job.
    d. sometimes they get another UTI right after being treated, reason unknown.

    Second question? Have her meds been reviewed by her prescribing physician(s)? Multiple meds can cause side affects impairing memory, increasing confusion, and decreasing balance and awareness.

    Lastly, if she truely is exhibiting signs/symptoms of dementia then moving her may or may not be tough. Once I gather more information, I will do my best to provide you with some ideas. Also, I can recommend ALFs (assisted living facilities) in the area that are better than others.


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